I confess

I think I am an addict.

It’s a physical compulsion, coupled with mental obsession. I mean I have the distinct physical desire to consume it beyond my capacity to control it, and in defiance of all rules of common sense. I do not know when or how to stop it. And most often, I do not seem to have sense enough to know when not to begin.

I take it for many reasons: entertainment, as a refuge from pain, to escape dealing with problems, or to fill-in emptiness when I’m depressed. Somewhere along the way I realized that it was becoming a bigger problem than the problems I was trying to avoid. The medicine became the poison. The solution became the problem. I was out of control.

This addiction is like riding a roller coaster. Once started, it is nearly impossible to stop. And when I try to stop, the awful process of withdrawal racks my body and twists my mind even worst.

I have taken many solemn pledges. I have enrolled myself to self-help groups. I have tried taking it only during certain hours. But none of these plans ever worked.

I have been going through stages of dark despair when I consider that there is something wrong with me mentally. I hated myself for it. I am not becoming healthy anymore.

And now, it has reached the point where it worries me a bit. I need to stop. But how could I turn my back on something that I have allowed to dominate my life for so many years? How could I succeed now where I have failed a thousand times before?

I’m sure, if you were in my shoes, it would have been the same story. Who can resist the taste of…

it’s addicting!

So, you want to taste some milk and honey?

What kind of life awaits us on the other side of the fence?

I am addressing the question to myself and probably some nurses and workers toiling their way to USA, or commonly referred to as the States. Is the pasture in there really greener? What happens now to the great American dream, considering the States is groping it’s way out of the financial crisis?…or should I say financial terrorism? Will the $700bn Bailout save the crippling economy of the land of Liberty?

Ahh, why am I so concerned? As an average Filipino consumer, I think I should worry. “Philippines will inevitably suffer the implications of the US crisis” somebody said. I am no economist nor do I have the eye to analyze Wall Street issues and the likes, I think there is truth to that hunch. I mean, come on, Philippines is linked to the US and global economy. This is a country with basic weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

But if you are like me who is hoping of finding a better life in the world’s prosperous nation, I think I should be concerned, too. Will I get to taste the life I’ve been dreaming of as far as quality of life is concerned?

Poor Juana.

old dog

this a follow-up to my previous post.

I googled on some research studies if the phrase “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is statistically proven to be accurate. Well, i stumbled upon this article entitling “Why You Can’t Teach An Old Dog New Tricks: Cognitive Lock-In”.

I also remembered i have an old video tape about this old dog issue. Is it difficult to make someone change the way they do something when they have been doing it the same way for a long time?

May-December affair

We were having a fine lunch break today, discussing anything under the sun. I became fascinated on learning that a new nursing school has student nurses in their fourth and fifth decades of life. One of my colleagues shared a rather relevant experience of a young CI who was following up those bunch of mommies and daddies. As per observation, she said the young instructor had a difficult time projecting command and direction to her students, basically because of the wide age difference. The CI was only 21 years old. So nobody was convinced that she was the boss; ergo, she ended doing the things that her students would have supposedly done.

Profession-wise, age is really an issue because it influences respect, and i have not statistically validated that (it’s purely hypothesis). When i started out in this career, I was the youngest among the faculty, and I had an age issue. During the job interview, I was asked how will I maintain professionalism considering I had a narrow age gap with the students. The question was really about my ability to direct over and delineate myself from my subordinates considering I was young to supervise. It connotes that there is really something about age. Come to think of it, who naturally is respected, the young or the old? I don’t know, but i think we are prone to initially judge the book by it’s cover.

But I knew I was not handicapped. I can teach and I have the skills, however novice I am in this profession. It all boils down to management and confidence. After all, nurses are trained to supervise and manage patients in all walks of life, from womb to tomb.

Going back to the unfortunate tale, I relflected on the challenge entailed to supervising seasoned individuals. Here is the question that rambled in my head: No offense meant, but, can you really teach an old dog new tricks?

Barriers to learning

I was preparing for my presentation in the MAN class. Well, i was assigned to report about Barriers to Teaching and Obstacles to Education with patients being the subject of discussion. However, the whole class was filled with clinical instructors, so I decided to tilt it a little, because our primary clients (aside from the hospital clients) are our students.

These are random barriers of student’s learning in the clinical area:

1. Exposing students to the “real world nursing.” Prior to hospital exposure, students are trained in the classroom according to the ideal procedures and standards in the book. Exposing them to clinical areas that practice what is not supposedly done (i.e., reusing gloves, reusing syringes, improper turning and positioning by the staff) stirs-ups confusion to student nurses, especially the novice students. At the end of the day, it is always a challenge for the instructors to process the students to talk and settle about confusions and misunderstanding from what is taught and what is actually observed. It is important that students know the correct standards of nursing practice because the exams are basically taken from the “ideal world nursing,” and that is from the book.
2. Dealing with a “lost” student who is supposedly knowledge and skills-wise prepared for a disease condition or a procedure. This is one of the many common issues that impede learning in the clinicals. Several factors come into play with this. Motivating students is a challenge all teachers face.  Although an RLE group may only consist of 10-13 students, each student brings with them different learning styles, different interests, and different life experiences that make each day in the clinicals unique and special. To address this, the teacher may set reasonable objectives, conduct enrichment activities, utilizing positive feedback, or incorporate different learning styles.
3. Non-readiness to patient care. I am refering to the student’s lack of knowledge on the client’s health or disease condition. The student in this condition is not prepared to handle certain conditions because the school did not prepare him yet for this. Example, a 3rd year student taking care of a client with Thyroid storm. Although this may be a good opportunity to learn advance concepts, the teacher should not discount the fact that patient safety comes first. Meaning, a student who is not prepared must not receive patients with conditions requiring critical nursing care.
4. The instructor’s lack of knowledge to a certain procedure or pathology. Some diagnostic tests and new tools may be confusing, especially when it requires training (i.e., use of ventilator machine, cardiac monitor, ECG machine). It is our duty to anticipate for the need to gather information about what is lacking. Asking assistance from the staff nurses or physicians are some of the helpful ways to mitigate the problem.

Reflection: Attitude as a Teacher

Attitude is a key word when it comes to dealing with students. It refers to everything I do or say in class. It can also have some influence over motivating my students. My approach, feelings, sensibility, awareness, alertness, and understanding may somehow become a barrier or even promote learning. However, in the area, it is natural for the CI to be strict because our business is dealing with people’s lives, and we can not afford to risk it with incompetence or negligence.

work issue 01

Three years ago, I began working as a clinical instructor to the school where I took my BSN degree. It was an unexpected career tilt at that time because I never had the intention to work as an instructor to my Alma Mater, until the former dean invited and really encouraged me to join them. I would have applied automatically to some other nursing schools, but there was no other school in the city that would provide quality and competent nursing education other than NDU… haha no kidding. Working in the academe was definitely not on the top of my career list. My goal was to finish all foreign exams, gain clinical experience as a staff nurse, and  work in the “land of milk and honey”.

I don’t know, was it due to the hefty paycheck CIs receive or had I gotten bored from working the routine clinical nurse staffing, that attracted me to slightly move my career axle? Now, I am drawn to believing it was actually due to both reasons.

When i worked as a staff RN to a private hospital, we were paid the amount equivalent to the tax i pay in my current job. The paycheck was unbelievably meager. Plus, I kind of lost my spirit due to the unchallenging and repetitive nursing activities. So i needed refreshment, and that’s when I considered to redirect my career path.

Alright so much for digression. Actually, today’s blog entry is about my apprehension when left alone with any of my former teachers, who happen to be my colleagues in the academe. I don’t know but i tend to become anxious and jittery when I’m left in the room or in the jeep with them, that i have no choice but to converse naturally, and try hard not to see myself as their former student.

I could not detach the fact that i had been there student, and that it’s not common for me to chat with my “superior” candidly. And i don’t know if i were a good student in there point of view. Some of them regard me as a friend, but I couldn’t deal with them naturally as hard as i try because of the awestruck shindig coming in my head.

I have so much respect to my CIs in particular. And i regard that as uncomfortable rather than a good behavior.

That was actually the reason why I would rather work to other nursing schools.