I think I am an addict.
It’s a physical compulsion, coupled with mental obsession. I mean I have the distinct physical desire to consume it beyond my capacity to control it, and in defiance of all rules of common sense. I do not know when or how to stop it. And most often, I do not seem to have sense enough to know when not to begin.
I take it for many reasons: entertainment, as a refuge from pain, to escape dealing with problems, or to fill-in emptiness when I’m depressed. Somewhere along the way I realized that it was becoming a bigger problem than the problems I was trying to avoid. The medicine became the poison. The solution became the problem. I was out of control.
This addiction is like riding a roller coaster. Once started, it is nearly impossible to stop. And when I try to stop, the awful process of withdrawal racks my body and twists my mind even worst.
I have taken many solemn pledges. I have enrolled myself to self-help groups. I have tried taking it only during certain hours. But none of these plans ever worked.
I have been going through stages of dark despair when I consider that there is something wrong with me mentally. I hated myself for it. I am not becoming healthy anymore.
And now, it has reached the point where it worries me a bit. I need to stop. But how could I turn my back on something that I have allowed to dominate my life for so many years? How could I succeed now where I have failed a thousand times before?
I’m sure, if you were in my shoes, it would have been the same story. Who can resist the taste of…
it’s addicting!
LOL